Loneliness and Christmas

Christmas can be a very lonely time. A time we just say “I feel lonely” or “I’m lonely”.

The good news is that by some education, searching our past, the act of feeling through and some reaching out at the appropriate time, we can reduce or eliminate loneliness. The lonely adult life has it’s roots in our childhood. We all know that as adults, it is possible to be in a large crowd feeling lonely or be in solitude and feel very content.

What circumstances in childhood make us feel lonely? 1. A lonely, hurtful childhood 2. Neglect or abuse when we were children. 3. Our feelings were not heard or accepted when we were children 4. Being emotionally unavailable to our children leaves them feeling lonely 5. Teenagers who are abandoned by parents who are trying to work through their own pain and who think we should take care of ourselves. 6. When we are subject to rigid sets of rules by parents, to avoid engagement. Any of these look familiar? Be honest. This is not about dissing our parents, it’s about our personal experience.

Children cannot feel their loneliness without help, so they may push down or suppress these hurtful emotions. As adults, our unconscious self directs us to feel over and over what is so familiar from our past – we can get stuck reenacting our childhood. It is possible to arrange our present life to keep ourselves so lonely. We may create imaginary friends, sexually fantasize, read romance novels, act out or withdraw deep inside. We may find ourselves subject to media that uses the “achey-breaky” notions to sell/promote products and services, like lonely songs. We may erect a wall to make it difficult for others to get close or we may flood our friends with our need, driving them away. We may play music loudly (good for reducing pain – this is not a recommendation) and incessantly or blame others for our loneliness. Even the travel industry may have capitalized with the lonely planet!!

So what to do about being lonely? Parents can take responsibility to spend meaningful time with their children. We can reconnect with old friends using many means, including Facebook. We could get involved in a club with like minded people.

It is very important to understand that feelings of loneliness are our natural emotional healing power trying to get our attention – so be encouraged, your amazing natural emotional systems are just communicating with you! We need to understand that lonely people have the roots of their feelings in childhood. Journal writing about our feelings and past would be very beneficial to help connect our present emotions and past events; this will help us to effectively feel through and integrate the loneliness into the tapestry of our life experience.

It is helpful to know that as a society we have discounted the feelings of loneliness in childhood, yet by following these few simple and difficult guidelines, we can achieve more independence yet closer relationships, along with a positive freedom within. How did we feel when we were removed from oiur mothers at birth? The way to move beyond even intense feelings of loneliness is to feel them – causing them to dissipate. We will not be overwhelmed by these feelings – our emotional system is our colleague – as long as we are not in a large group setting which uses blasting us open to our big feelings as its modus operandi.

A lonely quote – “Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty.” Mother Teresa

More here:
Loneliness and Christmas

About TR Wise

How did a guy with an Agricultural Diploma from the University of Guelph get interested in Emotional Wellness writing? From living life, sort of. Did you ever get that feeling like something was wrong with your life, but you couldn’t quite put your finger on it? Or you have a glaring problem like depression, alcoholism, anger, anxiety, feeling worthless, bullying or victim mentality, feelings of shame or guilt. The good news is that you can overcome this!! It is an extensive study – Janice Berger’s book called Emotional Fitness, that is – but well worth the time. How much better would couples relate if they understood why they get annoyed ? How much better would socializing be if we took responsibility for our emotional wholeness? What if we understood the underpinnings of bullying and other forms of violence, and how to deal with those? Let’s journey together to create a societal language for these issues, and change the world. Please know that I care about you and want you to be able to optimize your ability to live effectively.

I plan to use the funds created by this project to pursue my heart felt interest in international development.

Kind Regards, Tim

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